Extra life or game over? How do I know when it’s time to leave my relationship with my partner who is addicted to video games?
When it comes to dealing with a partner who is addicted to video games, it can be a difficult and emotionally heavy situation that requires a bit of soul-searching. There are three basic options; you can take your part to improve the relationship, you can accept the relationship as is, or you can make the choice to leave. There's no one-size-fits-all answer which can leave people feeling a mix of guilt, fear, sadness, uncertainty, and concern about potentially making the wrong decision. I’ve got great news for you; there is no right or wrong decision, and about 95% of my clients report feeling significant relief once they have committed to a choice. As a rule of thumb, the best answer is the one for which you feel healthy and fulfilled. Let’s break down each potential path so you can choose the one that works best for you:
Option 1: Take on your part to improve the relationship
A relationship is always 50% you and 50% the other person. This means that you always have half of the influence over how the relationship is going, and if you’re wanting to change how your relationship is going, you can always have an impact if you’re willing to take on the effort. Ultimately, you can't control or change your partner, but you can control how you react to the situation if you’re willing. Many people feel obligated to try this option before moving onto the other two; with that being said, taking on the effort to change can be a hard pill to swallow, and it’s understandable if you’re not wanting to put that effort in. If you are, steps to take could include setting boundaries, communicating your feelings and concerns, and seeking professional help for both yourself and your partner. The blog previous to this one goes over some steps you can take to head in that direction (linked here).
Option 2: Accept the relationship as is
Another option is to accept the relationship as it is. This may involve setting your own boundaries (eg. spending time out of the home or with friends when your partner is gaming) and finding ways to cope with the impact of your partner's addiction. It's important to note that acceptance doesn't mean that you are okay with the addiction or that you are giving up on the relationship. It's about acknowledging the reality of the situation and finding ways to make it work for you. Some people may choose this option because it allows them to focus on their own well-being and find ways to make the relationship work for them. It can also help them to not put all their hopes on the other person changing, and instead accept their partner's addiction as a part of their life. If you feel like you can be happy given your partner’s current level of game use, this is the option for you.
Option 3: Leave the relationship
Lastly, you may decide that it is best to leave the relationship. This can be a difficult decision to make, but it is important to remember that you deserve to be in a healthy and fulfilling relationship. Some signs that this may be the best choice for you include not being willing to accept the relationship as is, feeling as though you can no longer express the empathy and compassion needed to change the relationship, feeling as though your efforts to change the relationship are hopeless, feeling consistently resentful or frustrated towards your partner, and feeling as though you need to walk on egg-shells. It's important to remember that it's okay to prioritize your own well-being, and sometimes that means leaving a relationship that is no longer healthy for you. Leaving the relationship can be beneficial in terms of protecting your mental and emotional well-being. It can also provide a sense of closure and a chance to move on from the relationship.
In conclusion, when it comes to dealing with a partner who is addicted to video games, it's a unique situation that requires a bit of self-reflection. The above guidelines can help make that decision. Whatever path you choose is okay, and If you choose one path and find that you’re not healthy and fulfilled, you can always choose another path. Lastly, seeking professional help can be a valuable resource in this process if you’re really having a hard time starting down a path. No matter what you choose, thank you for taking the time to consider what you need, for your sake and for your partner’s. A relationship for which you are unhappy is neither good for you, nor your partner.
