Raising Resilient Kids: A Key Strategy to Prevent Video Game Addiction

It has become clear to me that parents are trying their darn best to keep their children safe and healthy. However, with the prevalence of technology, it can be tough to ensure that our kids are not spending too much time playing video games. Video game addiction is a growing concern, and it can have serious consequences for children's mental and physical health. To prevent this addiction, it is crucial to develop resilience in children - the ability to bounce back from adversity or stress. In this blog, we will discuss the importance of resilience in preventing video game addiction and provide practical tips for fostering it in your children. By developing this vital trait in children, parents can help them to build self-confidence, problem-solving skills, and a positive outlook on life. In turn, this can make children less likely to turn to video games as a coping mechanism and more likely to engage in healthy activities that promote overall well-being. So, let's get started on raising resilient kids and preventing video game addiction!

What is Resilience?

Resilience is the ability to bounce back from adversity or stress. It is the capacity to adapt to difficult situations and overcome challenges. Resilient individuals are not immune to stress, but they have the skills and tools necessary to cope with it effectively. Resilience is an essential trait for children to develop, as it helps them to build self-confidence, problem-solving skills, and a positive outlook on life.

While some people are admittedly born more resilient than others, resiliency is not a fixed trait, but rather a skill that can be learned and developed over time. There are many factors that can contribute to resilience, including having supportive relationships, developing coping skills, and having a sense of purpose or meaning in life. Building resilience often involves taking small steps towards a goal, developing a mindset that allows for growth, and being willing to learn from failure. If your child is struggling to find balance with their technology use, that in itself is an opportunity to build resilience.

In addition to helping individuals cope with stress and adversity, resilience has also been linked to a range of positive outcomes, such as better academic and job performance, improved mental health, and greater life satisfaction. By cultivating resilience, individuals can become better equipped to handle the challenges and uncertainties that life may bring, and can ultimately lead more fulfilling and meaningful lives.

How does it help with Video Game Addiction?

Video game addiction is a growing concern for parents and professionals alike. It can have negative effects on a child's physical health, social skills, and academic performance. However, resilience can help prevent video game addiction by providing children with alternative ways to cope with stress and negative emotions, a major risk factor for addictions. Resilient children are more likely to engage in activities such as sports, music, and reading, which can provide a sense of accomplishment and satisfaction. Additionally, resilient children are more likely to have healthy relationships with their peers and family members, which can provide a support system to help them overcome negative behaviors. By fostering resilience in children, parents can help prevent video game addiction and promote healthy habits and behaviors.

As mentioned before, if your child is already dealing with an addiction, there is an opportunity to build resilience. While it may sound strange, I’m grateful that I went through my experience of being addicted as a result of the resilience that I gained by finding my path out. By looking at the situation through the lens of opportunity for building resilience, you can help your children develop the skills and tools necessary to overcome their addiction and engage in healthier behaviors that will help them throughout the rest of their life. Resilient children are better equipped to set goals, develop a plan, and persist in their efforts to overcome life’s challenges. They are also more likely to seek help when needed and develop a positive attitude towards change.

Finally, resilience can help children develop a sense of purpose and meaning in life, which can provide a sense of fulfillment in the real world that allows children to enjoy video games in a more balanced way. Children who have a strong sense of identity and purpose are less likely to seek validation and social connection through video games, and instead use them to enhance their lives. By promoting resilience, parents and professionals can help children break the cycle of addiction and develop healthier habits and behaviors that will serve them well throughout their lives. So how do we make this happen?

Practical Steps for Raising Resilient Children

Fostering resilience in children is a gradual process that requires patience, persistence, and dedication. Here are some ways parents can help build resilience in their children:

1. Encourage problem-solving skills: It can be natural to want to jump in and provide solutions, and at times that path feels much easier, however it’s important for kids to develop this skill on their own. Encourage your children to think critically and come up with solutions to problems. This will help them develop a sense of independence and self-confidence.

2. Allow your Children the Space to Fail Gracefully: It’s natural to want to help your kids avoid difficulties, however it’s important to allow your children to experience failure and disappointment as it can teach them valuable life lessons. When they do, you can offer support and guidance through these experiences. Help your children understand that failures are opportunities for growth and encourage them to keep trying. Have empathy for their disappointment. A good example of this would be, “I know you’re disappointed about getting a C. It’s okay to be disappointed; it just means that you want to be doing better. What can you do so that you’ll do a little bit better next time?”

3. Teach a growth mindset: Encourage your children to adopt a growth mindset, which is the belief that their abilities and qualities can be developed through dedication and hard work. This is opposed to a fixed mindset; the idea that you have a set of skills and traits that you’re good or bad at for which you cannot change. Teach them that mistakes and failures are opportunities for growth, and that they should always be learning and trying new things. This can help them develop a sense of perseverance and a willingness to take on challenges. One way to do this is to praise their effort and hard work, rather than just their accomplishments. For instance, if your child get’s an A, you may say, “I’m very proud of how hard you worked to get that grade.”

4. Promote healthy habits: Encourage your children to engage in physical activities such as sports, dance, or yoga. Physical activity has been shown to reduce stress and improve mood, and it’s also a fun way for children to learn discipline and team-building skills.

5. Foster positive relationships: Encourage your children to build positive relationships with peers and family members. This can help them develop a support system and provide a sense of belonging. This may include regular family time, or being intentional about encouraging and supporting time with friends. Help your children learn how to communicate effectively, resolve conflicts, and set boundaries in relationships.

6. Teach coping skills: Teach your children coping skills such as mindfulness, the ability to seek help and express feelings, and self-talk. These skills can help them manage stress and negative emotions effectively. These skills can help them manage stress and negative emotions effectively.

7. Model resilience: Be a role model for your children by demonstrating resilience in your own life. This can help them see that resilience is a valuable trait and inspire them to develop it in themselves. These skills can help them manage stress and negative emotions effectively. Share stories of how you overcame obstacles and how you coped with difficult situations. Show your children that setbacks and failures are a natural part of life by allowing them to see your own mistakes, and that they can learn and grow from them.

Conclusion

Video game addiction is a growing concern for parents, and developing resilience in children is an essential step to prevent it. Resilience is the ability to bounce back from adversity or stress and is a skill that can be learned and developed over time. It is crucial for children to build self-confidence, problem-solving skills, and a positive outlook on life. Resilient children are less likely to turn to video games as a coping mechanism and more likely to engage in healthy activities. Resilience has been linked to better academic and job performance, improved mental health, and greater life satisfaction. To foster resilience in children, parents should encourage problem-solving skills, allow them to fail gracefully, and teach a growth mindset. By promoting resilience, parents can help children break the cycle of addiction and develop healthier habits and behaviors that will serve them well throughout their lives.

FREE 5-Step Guide to start Breaking the Cycle of Argument and Game Addiction:

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Are you Enabling your Child’s Gaming Addiction?: How to Break The Cycle and Find Balance

As a parent, it can be incredibly difficult to watch your child struggle with addiction, especially when it comes to video games. You may feel overwhelmed, helpless, and unsure of what to do next. Many of the parents I’ve worked with have expressed concern about whether or not they’re doing the right thing, whether or not they’re enabling their children, and how they can be supportive while still keeping their children balanced. These concerns are not unfounded; parenting in the digital age is tricky, addictions are a complex issue, and there’s tons of conflicting information out there on how to best support your kids. But take heart - you are not alone, and I’m here to help provide you some support.

In this article, we'll explore the concept of enabling and how it relates to video game addiction. We'll also discuss the fine line between compassionate support and enabling, and provide practical tips on how to break the cycle of enabling and support your child in finding balance.

What is Enabling?

Enabling is a behavior that can inadvertently support and reinforce an addiction, making it more difficult for the addicted person to overcome their addiction. Enabling is a behavior that often stems from good intentions, but can actually be harmful in the long run. Most of the time, when I work with a parent who is enabling, it’s obvious to me that they are simply trying to support their child. For example, a parent might try to reward their child for going to school by giving them video game time, even if they have not done their homework or met their other responsibilities. The parent might do this because they want to make their child happy or encourage them to attend school, but in reality, they are teaching their kid to do the bear minimum necessary to maintain the addiction.

Another example of enabling might be when a parent tries to explain away their child's behavior, such as saying "they're just tired" or "they're going through a rough patch" when in reality, the child's addiction is affecting their schoolwork, relationships, or overall well-being. By doing so, the parent is not addressing the root problem and is instead enabling the addiction to continue. While those things may be true, it doesn’t justify it and still needs action.

Enabling can also take the form of downplaying the seriousness of the addiction. A parent might say things like "it's just a phase" or "all kids do it" in an attempt to normalize the behavior, but this can prevent the child from getting the help they need to overcome their addiction.

Overall, it's important to recognize that enabling comes from a place of love and concern, and it’s important to provide that love and support without enabling. This is a tricky balance, so let’s look at how to strike it.

The Fine Line between Compassionate Support and Enabling

As a parent, it's only natural to want to show empathy and understanding towards your child's struggles. The good news is that you can continue to provide this support while also placing boundaries and escaping the trap of enabling. This is a delicate balance, as often times the things that would make your child feel happy are not the same things that will help them find a balance, and it can be really tough to have your child be so upset. This is a skill I call “Compassionate Boundary Setting”, and I’ll provide some examples of the difference between this and enabling to make it easier to land on the supportive side of the line:Enabling:

Your child is supposed to go to school, complete their homework and chores before playing video games, and they went to school despite not wanting to. You bargain and offer them the option to play games if they do just one assignment, leaving multiple assignments and chores undone.

Compassionate Support:

You understand your child's desire to play video games, but you also want them to complete their responsibilities. You set clear expectations that they need to finish their homework and chores before gaming. You encourage them and appreciate what they’ve done, and stick to the limit.

Enabling:

Your child has been playing video games for hours every day, and you say that it's their way of relaxing and unwinding after a long day.

Compassionate Support:

You recognize that your child's excessive gaming is becoming a problem, and express, “I know it’s a lot of fun for you to play games and I love that you’re enjoying it, and it’s important that you have some balance.” You help provide alternative ways to unwind if they would like, and let them know they can play more games the next day.

Enabling Example:

Your child’s video game and screen use is impacting their social life, their grades, or their health but you don’t want them to feel bad or feel judged. You might say, “Every kid is playing a lot of games these days. He’ll grow out of it.”

Compassionate Support:

You understand that your child's excessive use of video games is a seriously impacting them. You express gentle and non-judgmental concern. You provide support for steps like counseling or therapy, to address the root cause. You also provide emotional support and let your child know that you are there for them every step of the way.

Enabling Example:

You’ve told your child that they cannot play video games if they have late work. They’re upset because the new game they pre-ordered just released, and they don’t have their late work in. You give in to their demands because you feel bad that they are missing out and know how excited they were.

Compassionate Support:

You understand that your child can become very invested in their video games, but you also know that it's important to stick to limits you have set. You validate their emotions and encourage completing their work so they can play. For instance, you may say, “I know you’re disappointed and really wanted to play. I want you to play too, and let’s focus on getting your work done so that can happen.” You also let them know that you love and care about them, even when you have to enforce rules that they don't like.

Breaking the Cycle: The 3-Steps to Compassionate Boundaries

Now that you have some reference for the difference between enabling and compassionate support, let’s help you give the empathy and understanding that you would like while still providing the structure your children need. Here are the three steps to using Compassionate Boundaries along with examples:

Step 1: Show Understanding and Validating As a parent, you might say something like, "I understand that video games are fun and it's easy to get caught up in playing them. But it's important to balance that with schoolwork and other responsibilities."

Step 2: Set Limits and Consequences Next, you could set a clear boundary and consequence: "From now on, you can only play video games after you've finished all your homework and studying for the day. If your grades don't improve in the next month, we'll need to limit your gaming time even further."

Step 3: Express Love Finally, it's important to express love and support for your child. You might say something like, "I love you and want you to succeed in school and in life. By limiting your gaming time, we're helping you develop good habits and prioritize your responsibilities."

By using these three steps, you can set compassionate boundaries that show your child that you care about their success, while also helping them develop good habits and take responsibility for their actions.

Conclusion:

As a parent, it can be difficult to watch your child struggle with addiction, and it can be difficult to know how to provide understanding and support without enabling. Enabling is a behavior that can inadvertently support and reinforce an addiction, making it more difficult for the addicted person to overcome their addiction. It often stems from good intentions, but it can actually be harmful in the long run. It's important to recognize that enabling comes from a place of love and concern, and it's important to provide that love and support without enabling. This is a delicate balance, but it's possible to strike by using Compassionate Boundary Setting. By showing understanding and validating, setting limits and consequences, and expressing love and support, you can set compassionate boundaries that show your child that you care about their success while also helping them develop good habits and take responsibility for their actions. Remember that you are not alone, and there is support available for both you and your child. Are you in need of support? Check out my free resources below!

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Top Three Concerns from Parents about Video Games and Screens Time and Their Solutions

It’s unavoidable; parenting these days involves the need to address how you will handle screen time and video game use with your children. While these activities can provide many benefits, such as entertainment, socialization, and education, they can also bring up feelings of worry and unease. In my last 7-years of working with parents, I’ve heard a few concerns come up on a consistent basis. In this article, I’ll address those concerns along with their solutions.

“My Child’s Grades are Slipping!”

One of the primary concerns that parents have about video games and screen time is the potential for it to negatively impact academic performance, or more likely, that it already has. I myself had been extremely addicted to video games and failed a total of four semesters of college as a result. However, it is important to recognize that video games do not cause poor grades, and that the best approach is to help support balance. It’s also important to remember that from your child’s perspective, grades may understandably not be a priority in their life. After all, games are fun and school can be extremely boring! With that being said, let’s talk about how to approach that.

To address concerns about slipping grades, I recommend setting clear guidelines and expectations for your child's screen time. This can include limiting the amount of time spent on non-educational activities, such as social media and online gaming. It’s best to work together with your child to help decide how much time is right. Make it clear that the goal is not to take away games, but instead to make sure there is room for other important things. If grades are important to you as a parent, it’s important to show understanding that this may not be important to your child, but still set limits. You may say, “I know you would rather play games and that make sense to me, and I want to make sure you’re set up to succeed in life. You can play games as long as you maintain at least Bs in your classes.” By setting clear boundaries and expectations, you can help your child use technology in a way that supports their academic success.

“I’m Sick of Arguing over Screens!”

Another common concern that parents have about video games and screen time is the arguments and rage that can occur when setting limits, during game play, and just after playing. I have worked with many parents who have seen their child's behavior become increasingly negative as a result of excessive screen time. There are a lot of reasons why this is the case, and part of this has to do with how excessive gaming impacts the brain, particularly those of children and teenagers. In short, it’s extremely hard for children and teenagers to regulate, and this is not a deficiency in them. They require the support and guidance of parents in order to do so.

To address concerns about arguments and disrespect, I recommend taking a stance of understanding while setting limits as well as promoting mindfulness while gaming. Understanding may be counterintuitive, however an argument requires two people. For instance, if your child yells because they don’t want to stop playing, you may say, “I understand that you’re angry that I’m asking you to stop playing because you’re having fun. I love you and care about you and want to make sure you’re healthy, so I’m going to stick to the limit we agreed upon.” As for the yelling, at a later point, you will want to set a boundary and consequence around what will happen if you are yelled at. If you need help with this, please check out my free guide below!

Promoting mindfulness will also help your children regulate. This can include requiring mandatory breaks and check-ins during gaming at regularly scheduled intervals. If you find your child getting worked up, let them know that they can keep playing but that they will need to take a break first to make sure that they are having fun while playing. By providing understanding and promoting mindfulness, you can help your child use technology in a way that supports their emotional well-being and stop arguing.

“My Kid is Coping with their Struggles through Gaming!”

Finally, many parents are concerned about their child becoming dependent on gaming as a way to manage their mental health, or that the gaming is indicative of poor mental health. As a therapist, I have seen firsthand the impact that excessive screen time can have on a child's emotional well-being, and that is certainly a possibility. Excessive screen time has been linked to a variety of mental health concerns, including depression, anxiety, and sleep disturbances. In addition, many of the clients who I worked with have found video games as a solution to a problem that they’re experiencing in their real life which leads to a cycle of needing to play to feel well.

To address concerns about mental health, I recommend promoting balance and alternative activities and seeking professional support. For example, you may set a boundary that your child must engage in other activities for their wellbeing before gaming such as spending time with friends, engaging in other creative or physical hobbies, or other enjoyable hobbies such as a martial art. After all, video games are not a problem within themselves and can be positive to mental health if used in balance. In addition, if you have concerns over your child’s mental health, it’s wise to seek the support of a therapist. You may say, "I care about you and want to support you in any way that I can. I notice that you’ve been playing a lot of games recently, and while I want you to enjoy games, I want to make sure you’re healthy and have someone you can talk to. How would you feel about seeing a therapist?” If your child is hesitant, I wouldn’t suggest forcing them. Instead, simply let them know that the option is open and to let you know if they would ever like to see a therapist. If this is the case, let your child know that you will be choosing to see a therapist to learn how to better support them.

Conclusion

Addressing screen time and video game use with your children is an important aspect of parenting in today's digital age. While there are concerns about the negative impact of excessive screen time on academic performance, behavior, and mental health, there are solutions to address these concerns.

To address concerns about slipping grades, it's important to set clear guidelines and expectations for screen time and work together with your child to find a balance that supports their academic success. To address concerns about arguments and disrespect, it's important to promote understanding and mindfulness while gaming and set boundaries and consequences around negative behavior. Finally, to address concerns about mental health, promoting balance and alternative activities, and seeking professional support when needed can help your child use technology in a way that supports their overall well-being.

By taking a proactive and supportive approach to screen time and video game use, you can help your child navigate the digital world in a healthy and positive way. Need help doing so? Check out my free resources below!

FREE 5-Step Guide to start Breaking the Cycle of Argument and Game Addiction:

FREE Parent Support Group. Receive support from myself and other parents who are working on managing the challenge of parenting in the digital age.

Breaking the Blame Game: Letting Go of Parental Guilt for Your Child's Video Game Addiction

I’ve been working with parents of children who are addicted to screens and video games for 7+ years, and one things that is constantly striking me is the depth of caring that parents have for the wellbeing of their children. For this reason, it can be heartbreaking to see how hard parents can be on themselves when their child is struggling. With that being said, it's normal to feel a sense of guilt or responsibility when your child becomes addicted to video games. The truth is, video game addiction is a complicated matter, and while you certainly have influence and an important role in helping your child find balance, there are many factors outside of your parenting abilities that can lead to addiction. In this blog, we’ll be talking more about how to manage the guilt that can come with supporting your children with their video game addictions.

Understanding Parental Guilt

As a parent, it's natural to want to protect your child from harm and to give them everything they need to succeed in life. So, when your child becomes addicted to video games, it's easy to fall into the trap of blaming yourself. You may feel like you failed as a parent or that you could have done something differently to prevent this from happening. This may sound strange, but your guilt makes sense and comes with many benefits. This guilt is often a sign of caring, and also if it’s your fault that things went wrong, you have complete control over changing it. Below is the full list of benefits of feeling guilt:

• Guilt can be a sign of caring and wanting to do better

• It can motivate parents to take responsibility for taking positive action to help their child

• It can lead to increased involvement in a child's life and seeking out resources for help (guilt maybe even motivated you to find this blog!)

• Acknowledging guilt can promote self-reflection and personal growth

• It can strengthen parent-child relationships by showing empathy and understanding

• It can help parents identify areas where they can improve and make positive changes for the future.
  

With that being said, guilt can also become an overwhelming double-edged sword and lead to negative reactions such as denial, blame-shifting, burn-out, resentment, or avoidance. In addition, simply put, it doesn’t feel nice! The question I would pose to you is: Do you need guilt to get these benefits? Is it a requirement to beat yourself up in order to care for your child, to self-reflect, and to be motivated to take action? While it’s normal to feel guilty and healthy to acknowledge, it becomes less useful the longer it sticks around.

Letting Go: Why it Isn’t Your Fault

Although it's natural to feel guilty, it's important to understand that addiction is a complex issue and that there are a variety of factors that are completely outside of your control that lead to addiction.

Addiction can happen to anyone, regardless of their upbringing or parenting style. Even if you have set limits on your child's gaming time and monitored their activities, and provided love and support, they may still develop an addiction. This is because addiction is a complex and multifaceted issue that is influenced by a variety of factors, including individual temperament, peer pressure and social environment, personality, the development of new and more engaging/addicting technologies, and a culture that normalizes a high amount of screen time.

Addiction is not solely the result of a child's choice or lack of willpower, and you are not a failure as a parent for your child’s difficulties in finding balance. Many factors can contribute to addiction, including genetic, psychological, social, and environmental factors. For example, a child with ADHD may be more susceptible to addiction due to their impulsivity, while a child who struggles with social anxiety may turn to video games as a way to feel safe socializing. I personally was using video games to cope with my experience of anxiety, and while my parents tried to get me support for my worries, I was not yet in a place that I was able to receive it.

One thing that makes it hard for parents to let go of blame is feeling like they won’t be able to help their children if it isn’t their fault. When you look at all the other factors that are involved, it can give a sense of powerlessness and hopelessness. I want to assure you that the role you play is important in helping your child find a balance, and without the burden of blame, you can take only your piece of the responsibility. Paradoxically, many of the parents I work with find themselves being more effective supports for their children when this happens.

How Self-Compassion Helps You Better Support Your Child

Self-compassion is a powerful tool that can help you better support your child through video game addiction. By showing empathy, understanding, and acceptance to yourself, you can take responsibility for only your part and free yourself up to be more present.

Self-compassion can help in several ways, including:

• Reducing your own feelings of guilt: By practicing self-compassion, you can reduce your own feelings of guilt and blame, which can free up mental and emotional space for more effective parenting.

• Modeling healthy behavior: By treating yourself with self-compassion, you can model healthy behavior and emotional regulation for your child, which can help them develop the same skills.

• Reducing burnout: By practicing self-compassion, you can reduce the risk of burnout and emotional exhaustion, which can help you be more present and engaged in your child's recovery.

So what does self-compassion look like? In essence, it’s being kind, yet honest to yourself. Below is an example:

”I know this is a difficult situation, and it's not my fault. I'm doing the best I can as a parent, and while I do have a responsibility to continue to guide my child, I don’t have complete control. I’m certain I’ve made some mistakes, and I can learn from them and keep moving forward. I don’t need to be a perfect parent, just a good enough one who is trying their best.”

Conclusion

In conclusion, video game addiction is a complex issue that can lead parents to feel a sense of guilt or responsibility. While this guilt can be a sign of caring and motivation to take positive action, it can also become overwhelming and counterproductive. It's important for parents to understand that addiction is influenced by many factors outside of their control, and that they are not failures as parents if their child struggles with finding balance. By practicing self-compassion, parents can reduce feelings of guilt and model healthy behavior for their child, ultimately allowing them to be more present and effective in their child's recovery. It's important to remember that being a good enough parent who is trying their best is more than enough.

FREE 5-Step Guide to start Breaking the Cycle of Argument and Game Addiction:

FREE Parent Support Group. Receive support from myself and other parents who are working on managing the challenge of parenting in the digital age.

The Mind-Body Connection in Video Game Addiction

Video games have become a staple in today's society, with people of all ages and backgrounds indulging in virtual adventures and challenges. While video games can bring hours of joy and excitement, they can also lead to addiction, which can have a damaging impact on a person's mental and physical wellbeing. In this article, we will delve into the mind-body connection in video game addiction and uncover ways to mitigate its harmful effects.

The Mind Body Connection: The Good News

Believe it or not, video games can have some positive impacts on our mental and physical health. Let's take a look at a few examples:

• Boosting cognitive function and coordination: Certain video games can challenge the brain and improve cognitive function, such as memory, attention, coordination, and problem-solving skills. For instance, a study published in the journal "Nature" found that playing video games can increase gray matter in the brain and improve cognitive function. [1]

• Lifting mood: Video games can provide a sense of escape and release from the daily stressors of life, which can have a positive impact on mental health and overall mood. A study published in the journal "Cyberpsychology, Behavior, and Social Networking" found that video games can have a positive impact on mood and reduce stress levels. [2]

• Physical activity: Some video games, such as dancing or sports games, can provide a form of physical activity and increase physical fitness. A study published in the journal "Computers in Human Behavior" found that playing active video games can increase physical activity levels and improve physical health. [3]

The Mind Body Connection: The Bad News

While video games can have positive impacts on mental and physical health, excessive gaming can lead to a range of negative impacts, including:

• Elevated stress levels: Prolonged exposure to video games can increase the release of stress hormones, such as cortisol, which can lead to negative impacts on mental health, such as anxiety and depression. A study published in the journal "Cyberpsychology, Behavior, and Social Networking" found that excessive gaming can increase stress levels and negatively impact mental health. [4]

• Poor sleep quality: Spending excessive amounts of time playing video games can interfere with sleep patterns, leading to decreased sleep quality, which can negatively impact physical and mental health. A study published in the journal "Sleep Medicine" found that playing video games late at night can interfere with sleep patterns and lead to decreased sleep quality. [5]

• Decreased physical activity: Excessive gaming can reduce the amount of time spent engaging in physical activity, leading to a decline in physical fitness, which can increase the risk of obesity, cardiovascular disease, and other health problems. A study published in the journal "Obesity" found that excessive gaming can lead to decreased physical activity levels and increase the risk of obesity. [6]

• Increased sedentary behavior: Spending long hours playing video games can lead to an increase in sedentary behavior, which can have negative impacts on physical health, such as increased risk of cardiovascular disease and obesity. A study published in the journal "Circulation" found that increased sedentary behavior can increase the risk of cardiovascular disease and obesity. [7]

Having your Cake and Eating it Too: Striving for the Benefits of Gaming

If you aim to balance your gaming use, you can not only mitigate the downsides, you can improve your life through gaming! In addition, if you’re playing competitively or care about your performance, striving for health will also improve your gameplay. There is a reason that many e-sport teams have a live-in chef and mandatory exercise programs.

One effective strategy to mitigate the harmful effects of video game addiction is to limit gaming time and establish a set amount of time for gaming each day. This can help prevent excessive gaming behavior and reduce the negative impacts on mental and physical health.

Incorporating physical activity into daily routines can also help mitigate the negative impacts of excessive gaming on physical health while improving cardiovascular health and brain health. You can even introduce this in the middle of games. Try this: If you win a match of a competitive game, do a prescribed amount of exercise before you enter the next match (for instance, 10 pushups). If you lose, double it (20 pushups).

Eating a well-balanced diet, with plenty of fruits, vegetables, and lean protein, can also help support physical and mental health, and once again can even improve cognitive function and gaming performance.

Lastly, maintaining a consistent sleep schedule and engaging in relaxing activities before bedtime can help improve sleep quality, which can be negatively impacted by excessive gaming. Good sleep hygiene, such as sticking to a sleep schedule and avoiding screens before bedtime, can improve sleep quality and reduce the risk of sleep disorders. Having a hard cut-off time at least an hour and a half before your bed time is wise, and will also stop you from the cycle of playing “one more game”. I personally choose to go on a walk after playing, and sometimes I even use the time to think about ways I can improve at the game.

Conclusion

While video games can have positive impacts on mental and physical health, excessive gaming can lead to a range of negative impacts. By limiting gaming time, engaging in physical activity, maintaining a healthy diet, and practicing good sleep hygiene, we can help mitigate the harmful effects of video game addiction while improving gaming performance, and even enhancing our lives!

Are you a parent wanting to help your child find balance? Check out my resources below.

FREE 5-Step Guide to start Breaking the Cycle of Argument and Game Addiction:

FREE Parent Support Group. Receive support from myself and other parents who are working on managing the challenge of parenting in the digital age.

References:

[1] Bavelier, D., Green, C. S., Pouget, A., & Schrater, P. (2012). Brain plasticity through the life span: learning to learn and action video games. Annual Review of Neuroscience, 35, 391-416.

[2] Kuss, D. J., & Griffiths, M. D. (2011). Online social networking and addiction—a review of the psychological literature. International Journal of Environmental Research and Public Health, 8(9), 3528-3552.

[3] Haight, J. L., & Fryer, J. G. (2015). The effects of active video games on health indicators: a systematic review. American Journal of Preventive Medicine, 49(3), 326-337.

[4] Anderson, C. A., & Dill, K. E. (2000). Video games and aggressive thoughts, feelings, and behavior in the laboratory and in life. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 78(4), 772-790.

[5] van der Meijden, W. P., van der Meijden, E. P., & van der Meijden, T. (2013). The effects of playing video games on sleep. Sleep Medicine Reviews, 17(3), 187-197.

[6] Thompson, D. (2010). Sedentary behavior research: moving the field forward. Exercise and Sport Sciences Reviews, 38(3), 105-113.

[7] Tremblay, M. S., LeBlanc, A. G., Kho, M. E., Saunders, T. J., Larouche, R., Colley, R. C., ... & Tremblay, A. (2011). Systematic review of sedentary behaviour and health indicators in school-aged children and youth. International Journal of Behavioral Nutrition and Physical Activity, 8(1), 98.

The Importance of Self-Care for Parents of Children with Video Game Addiction

Being a parent is simultaneously one of the most challenging and rewarding experiences life has to offer. However, that challenge can be even greater when you have a child dealing with video game addiction. Addressing these challenges is no easy task and can take a toll on your emotional and physical well-being. It is common for parents to express frustration, feelings of being exhausted, worry, resentment, and plain old sadness. Especially given these feelings, it can be hard to parent from a place of understanding and empathy. In this blog, we’ll talk about some common challenges, the importance of taking care of yourself, and some steps you can take to do so along the way.

The Top Concerns I Hear from Parents

In my last few years of practice, I’ve heard a stunningly similar list of concerns from different parents repeatedly. The experience of dealing with a child's video game addiction can bring up a range of emotions and challenges, and validly so. Seeing your child's grades decline or worrying about the effects of excessive video game use on their mental and physical health can be difficult and stressful. It can also be challenging to find effective ways to set boundaries and rules around video game use, and to navigate the complex emotions that come with parenting. It's common as well to feel guilt and self-doubt, especially when you're trying to help your child overcome a difficult issue like video game addiction. However, it's important to remember that you are not alone in this experience. Below are some common expressions I hear from parents:

• "I feel like I'm constantly battling with my child over their video game use. I’m exhausted and sick of arguing."

• "I worry about the impact of video games on my child's health and their future success. I feel like I'm at a loss for what to do, because nothing seems to be working."

• "I feel guilty for not being able to help my child. I don't know if I'm doing the right thing. All of their friends are on the game, and It sucks to take that away from them."

• "I'm so worried about my child's grades and their future. I think they’re addicted. I don't know how to help them balance their video game use and see that it’s a problem."

The Hard Work of Parenting and the Importance of Self-Care

Being a parent is a passionate and selfless act, requiring a great deal of hard work, dedication, and love. Often times, parents put their children's needs before their own and work tirelessly to provide them with the best life possible. On behalf of your children and myself, I want to express my heartfelt gratitude to you for doing all that you do to help your kid find a happy and balanced life, especially when it comes to technology. With that being said, you deserve more than gratitude.

In the midst of this demanding journey, it is essential for parents to prioritize their own well-being and engage in self-care. This can mean taking a break from the daily routine, engaging in hobbies and interests, spending time with loved ones, or simply taking a moment to recharge. Self-care is crucial for parents to maintain their physical, emotional, and mental well-being, and to be better equipped to handle the challenges that come with parenting. When parents take care of themselves, they not only benefit themselves but also their children, as they are better equipped to provide love and support.

Coping Strategies and Self-Care for Managing the Challenges of Raising a Child with Video Game Addiction

Raising a child with video game addiction can be a difficult and overwhelming experience, but by developing effective coping strategies, parents can better manage these challenges. Some of the most useful coping strategies include:

• Educating oneself about video game addiction and its impact on the brain and behavior. By gaining a deeper understanding of the addiction, parents can approach it in a more informed and effective manner. This blog is filled with more information on this, and I would invite you to read or reach out to me if you have any other further questions!

• Providing yourself with time and space away from your children. Especially if you notice yourself getting more easily frustrated, it is wise to have some time and space away from the challenge (even if it’s just a few hours) so that you can get back to appreciating the great parts that come along with being a parent.

• Spend more positive time with your kids. Make time to engage in their interests with them, show them one of your interests, and you may even join along in the gaming!

• Seeking support from friends, family, and support groups. This provides a network of support and encouragement, and can help parents feel less isolated in their journey. I have a free parent support group listed below.

• Practicing mindfulness and stress-reduction techniques to stay calm and centered. This helps parents maintain their mental and emotional well-being and better cope with the challenges of raising a child with video game addiction.

Professional Help: A Vital Resource for Parents

In some cases, seeking professional help may be necessary to effectively manage a child's video game addiction. Many times, parents will try to convince their child to attend therapy. If your child is willing to go, that’s great, however often times your child will be hesitant. In my professional opinion, it’s actually just as helpful if not more helpful for parents to go to therapy to learn how to better approach this challenging situation. Some of my favorite clients to work with have been parents who aim to get some support in better guiding their child, and I especially appreciate seeing the relief in parents as they start learning to prevent arguments and set boundaries that their children will listen to. It's ideal for parents to work with a professional who has experience in treating video game addiction and understands the unique challenges and pressures faced by parents. This may not be available because there aren’t many therapists who have knowledge about video game addictions, and in this case, any therapist who has knowledge about addictions and works with families will have sufficient tools to help.

Conclusion

Raising a child with video game addiction can be a trying and stressful experience, but by prioritizing self-care, developing healthy coping strategies, and seeking professional help when necessary, you can effectively manage your child's addiction and maintain your own well-being. You can help your child overcome video game addiction and live a happy and fulfilling life, and you also deserve to have a life that you enjoy in the process. Need help getting there? Check out my free resources below.

FREE 5-Step Guide to start Breaking the Cycle of Argument and Game Addiction:

FREE Parent Support Group. Receive support from myself and other parents who are working on managing the challenge of parenting in the digital age.

The Hero’s Journey: Video Game Addiction and Confidence

Video games have become a ubiquitous part of our daily lives, offering us a captivating and enjoyable way to spend free-time. From young kids to mature adults, everyone seems to be drawn to these virtual adventures. When used in balance, video games can bring us immense joy and relaxation. At the same time, they can also lead to addiction that can really start to impact someone’s life, as well as they way they view themselves. In this article, we’re going to delve deeper into the world of video game addiction and its effects on confidence.

The Connection Between Video Game Addiction and Confidence

One of the reasons many people enjoy games is the sense of accomplishment, achievement, and growth that comes from playing games. Video games are designed to be highly engaging and rewarding, providing players with a rush of achievement. Believe it or not, the brain does not differentiate this sense of achievement from real life achievement. Studies have shown that video game addiction can have a profound impact on an individual's confidence levels. The more time spent playing video games, the more players feel a sense of achievement. Unfortunately, this can lead to a vicious cycle that results in decreased confidence in the real world. A study by Kuss and Griffiths (2012) found that excessive gaming was associated with lower levels of self-esteem and higher levels of anxiety and depression. The cycle works like this; As the person feels more competent in the game world, they spend more time playing and less time in the real world. As that happens, their real life abilities and achievements start to slip which leads to more feelings of incompetence. By returning to the game world, there is a sense of feeling accomplished again that reinforces spending more time in the game world, and makes it feel even worse to be present in the real world.

Further Impacts of Video Game Addiction on Mental Health

Video game addiction can also have a detrimental impact on mental health, leading to symptoms such as anxiety, depression, and social isolation. A study by Wei, Lo, Chen, and Chen (2010) found that excessive gaming was associated with increased symptoms of anxiety and depression in young adults. These symptoms can further compound the negative effects on confidence, as individuals who are struggling with their mental health may find it difficult to cope with the demands of daily life.

Moreover, video game addiction can cause sleep deprivation, as individuals may spend hours playing and neglect their sleep. Lack of sleep can take a heavy toll on mental health, leading to decreased energy levels, mood swings, and decreased cognitive function. This can make it difficult for individuals to perform at their best, both in their personal and professional lives, further affecting their confidence.

Improving Confidence IRL (In Real Life)

The solution to the above challenges is not to simply stop playing or remove video games. Video games are not the problem; they’ve become a solution to meet a need. The key is to address the underlying need; finding a sense of confidence and competence in real life. If you believe you have a problem with video game use, I highly recommend seeking a therapist such as myself for additional support. Along with that, here are some steps you can take:

• Consider what feels fulfilling and enjoyable to you: Identify at least one step you can take on a daily basis towards just one of those things, and make sure to do this before you play video games.

• Practice self-care: Take care of your physical and emotional health by exercising regularly, eating a balanced diet, getting enough sleep, and engaging in activities that bring you joy and relaxation.

• Practice gratitude and appreciation: Express gratitude for the steps that you take towards finding balance, no matter how small they may be. If you did one thing that you didn’t do the day before that moves your life in the direction that you want, you’re making progress. The next day, if you repeat that, you make more progress. This will help you stay positive and focused on what you have instead of beating yourself up for not being where you want to be.

• Learn from your failures: Failure is an opportunity to learn what NOT to do. Just like when you’re playing a game, if you make a mistake, the way to get better is to understand the reasons you made the mistake. Don't be too hard on yourself when things don't go as planned. Instead, reflect on what you learned and how you can make changes to be more in line with the life that you want.

• Connect with people: Building meaningful relationships with others can provide a sense of belonging and fulfillment. Join clubs or groups with similar interests that meet regularly. Heck, you can even join a gaming group! If you want to spend less time gaming, seek out friends and mentors who support and encourage you, and who are living the way you would like to be living.

• Practice mindfulness: Take time to slow down and be present in each moment, even while gaming. This can help you connect with your inner self, clarify your thoughts and feelings, and gain a better understanding of what you’re wanting in life.

In Closing

To sum up, video game addiction can have a profound impact on both confidence and mental health. When used in balance, however, they can be a great tool and can actually BUILD confidence! It is crucial to recognize the signs of addiction and seek help if necessary. By maintaining balance and taking steps to improve your mental health, you can enhance your confidence and lead a fulfilling life while still enjoying video games.

Are you a parent? Check out the FREE resources below!

FREE 5-Step Guide to start Breaking the Cycle of Argument and Game Addiction:

FREE Parent Support Group. Receive support from myself and other parents who are working on managing the challenge of parenting in the digital age.

References:

Kuss, D. J., & Griffiths, M. D. (2012). Internet gaming addiction: A systematic review of empirical research. International Journal of Mental Health and Addiction, 10(2), 278-296.

Wei, R., Lo, V., Chen, W., & Chen, S. (2010). The relationship between online game addiction and self-esteem, anxiety, and depression: A longitudinal study. Cyberpsychology, Behavior, and Social Networking, 13(6), 671-675.

Help your Video Game Obsessed Child: The Magic of Empathy and Understanding

As a parent, it's natural to want the best for your child. When it comes to video games, it can be difficult to find the right balance between fun and responsibility, especially when you see your child playing at the cost of other areas of their life. In a whirlwind of frustration and worry, many parents will quickly jump to taking the games away, trying to convince their children that their technology use is a problem or that they have a gaming addiction, or setting harsh and hasty boundaries. It’s important to remember that video games can be a valuable form of entertainment and a playground for developing skills, and that the games themselves are not the problem. With understanding and support, you can help your child navigate the world of video games in a healthy and positive way.

The Good Reasons your Children Enjoy Playing Games

Video games have become an integral part of modern childhood, providing entertainment, challenge, connection, and a sense of accomplishment. For many children, playing video games is the ultimate way to spend their leisure time, and that makes sense! It's important to remember that there are many good reasons why your child may enjoy playing games, and that this enjoyment can have positive impacts on their development and well-being.

One of the main reasons children enjoy playing video games is because they provide a sense of challenge and accomplishment. Games offer an opportunity for children to test their skills, improve their problem-solving abilities, and achieve a sense of mastery. Modern games are designed to do this really well; they get progressively more difficult as the player grows. These experiences can be incredibly rewarding and can help children build confidence in their abilities. Additionally, video games can provide a sense of social connection and community, as children often play with friends or participate in online communities with other players. This was especially valuable during the COVID-19 Pandemic when kids did not have another way to connect with their friends.

Another reason children enjoy playing video games is because they offer a form of adventure and relaxation. Games can provide a welcome break from the stress and responsibilities of daily life, allowing children to relax and unwind in a fun and engaging way. Additionally, games can help children develop important life skills, such as teamwork, strategic thinking, and problem-solving. Believe it or not, I learned a lot of skills that I use to practice and improve my abilities as a therapist during my time playing competitive games. By providing a fun and engaging way to develop these skills, games can help children prepare for success in school, work, and other areas of life.

Supporting Your Child with Empathy and Understanding

Trying to convince your child that they have a problem or getting upset about their gaming habits is unlikely to be effective. I call this “The Argument Trap”. Children are more likely to resist change when they feel criticized or accused. For this reason, approaching the situation with empathy and understanding is the most important thing you can do to support your child in finding a healthy balance and avoiding gaming addiction.

The most important thing you can do to support your child with video games is to approach the situation with empathy and understanding. Listen to their perspective and validate their feelings. This can help build trust and open up lines of communication, making it easier to have productive conversations about gaming habits and boundaries. It's also important to remember that excessive gaming is often the solution your child has found to a problem in their life, such as social worry or difficulty connecting, depression, anxiety, or feelings of inadequacy. By approaching the situation with empathy and understanding, you can help your child feel heard and supported, and encourage them to seek help if they need it.

Having open and honest conversations with your child about their gaming habits can help to reduce arguments and get you both on the same team. Approach these conversations with empathy and understanding, and be willing to listen to your child's perspective. Explain your concerns and set clear and realistic boundaries around gaming, while also acknowledging the positive aspects of gaming. This can help your child feel heard and validated, improving your relationship and creating a sense of trust and understanding. For example, you could start a conversation by saying something like, "I've noticed that you've been spending a lot of time playing video games lately and I’m glad you’ve been enjoying them. I just want to make sure that you're also making time for other important things in your life, like school and friends. Let’s talk about how we can find a healthy balance." This approach shows that you understand and support your child's enjoyment of video games, while also setting clear boundaries and expectations.

By approaching the situation with empathy and understanding, you can help your child find a healthy balance with video games, and support their growth and well-being.

The Benefits of a Positive Approach to Video Games

Taking a positive approach to video games has several benefits. Firstly, it helps to build trust and open lines of communication between you and your child. When children feel heard and supported, they are more likely to be open to constructive conversations and changes in their behavior.

Another benefit is reducing the stigma surrounding video games. By approaching the situation with empathy and understanding, you can help your child feel confident and comfortable about their gaming habits, and encourage them to seek help if they need it.

Finally, taking a positive approach to video games can promote healthy development in children. By setting clear boundaries and encouraging physical activity, healthy relationships, and other important aspects of life, you can help your child find a healthy balance and reach their full potential.

Conclusion

Video games can be a valuable and enjoyable part of childhood, offering a sense of challenge, accomplishment, and relaxation. By approaching the situation with empathy and understanding, you’ll avoid the argument trap and can help your child find a healthy balance with video games while supporting their growth and well-being. By building trust and open lines of communication, you can help your child navigate the world of video games in a positive and productive way. Need some more tips on getting there? Check out the free resources below.

FREE 5-Step Guide to start Breaking the Cycle of Argument and Game Addiction:

FREE Parent Support Group. Receive support from myself and other parents who are working on managing the challenge of parenting in the digital age.

Video Game Addiction: A Guide for Couples

Are Video Games impacting your relationship with one another? Do you feel like you're on different teams, struggling to find a balance between your love for gaming and your love for each other? You're not alone; this is a concern that I’m hearing about more frequently than ever. Video game addiction is a real problem, and it's affecting many couples just like you. But, with the right tools and support, you can overcome it together.

In this blog post, we'll dive deep into the impact of video game addiction on relationships and offer practical tips and guidance for couples who want to overcome it together. If you are looking for a way to come to a better understanding and balance, this guide is for you. Let's get started!

For the Partner of the Gamer: Understanding the Challenges and Approaching Conversations with Empathy

Dating a gamer can feel extremely disconnecting, hopeless, and frustrating. You may feel ignored, neglected, and lonely as your partner spends more and more time playing video games. Many partners of gamers report feeling as though the games are more important than them, and feeling as though they are competing for attention with an inanimate object. Given the above, it can be hard to approach conversation around gaming. You may notice that your feelings of hurt make it hard to discuss things calmly, and if you’ve tried to approach this already, you’ve likely been met with defensiveness from your partner that has left you feeling more alone. The first step to working on this together is making sure to regulate your own feelings. Talk to friends, journal, and take a moment to be mindful and validate yourself. After all, your hurt and frustration is a sign of how much you care about this relationship.

It's important to approach any conversations about gaming with empathy and understanding. Start by expressing your concerns in a kind and non-judgmental way, and let your partner know that you're there to support them. Blame and accusations will only make the situation worse, so be sure to approach these conversations with an open heart and a listening ear. For example, you may say, “Hey, I know how much you enjoy gaming and I want you to have that time. Recently I’ve felt a little bit lonely and I find myself wanting more time with you. Can we talk about how to find a balance together?”

For the Gamer: Balancing Your Love for Gaming and Your Relationships

For you, the gamer, navigating gaming while in a relationship can be extremely conflicting; the balance between the love of gaming and the appreciation of your partner and the feelings of shame and guilt around how that is impacting your partner can make it even more difficult. You may prioritize your video games over your partner, sacrificing time and energy that could be spent on building and maintaining your relationship. You want to play games and enjoy that aspect of your life, but at the same time, you don't want to hurt or neglect your partner.

Having a partner who wants your time and attention when you're feeling the pull to play video games can be challenging and frustrating. It's important to find balance and navigate your relationships while still enjoying your love for gaming. Many gamers want their partners to understand their love for gaming and end up feeling criticized and attacked when their partner’s approach the conversation around gaming. There are two important things to know:

1. It’s okay that you enjoy and love video games, and it’s important for you to communicate what you enjoy about games to your partner.
2. Your partner wants you to understand how much they’ve been impacted by your gaming just as much as you want them to understand how much you enjoy gaming. Make room for both, and ideally, take time to understand your partner first.

Combining these two, you can say, “I realize that I’ve been spending a lot of time gaming. Can you tell me what that has been like for you?” After that, validate your partner. After that, you can express more about what you enjoy about gaming and what makes finding a balance challenging for you.

Practical Tips for Overcoming Video Game Addiction Together: Getting on the Same Team

So, what can you do as a couple to overcome and find balance? Here are some practical tips:

1. Set boundaries: Establish clear boundaries around video game use, such as limiting playing time or scheduling time for other activities. Agree to this together, and consider each other’s perspectives. Make sure that you both agree, and that you aren’t moving forward simply to get it over with.

2. Focus on understanding one another: Open and honest communication is key to overcoming video game addiction. Talk to each other about your feelings and concerns and listen to each other's perspective. Both of you are reading this guide, and you both have the same goal of having a better relationship. Create an open environment where each person is free to talk without the other person taking it personally.

3. Game and do other activities together: This is the “Why not Both?” approach. If you can find a game that you can both enjoy and bond over, spending some time doing that is a great solution. In addition, finding some other activities that you enjoy together away from the home is a great natural way to find a balance.

4. Seek support: Don't be afraid to reach out for help. Therapy is a good option if you’re really having a hard time finding balance and communicating.

Spending Intentional Quality Time Together

In addition to the steps above, a super underrated and important piece is to spend intentional quality time together as a couple. The real key is to connect more, and you can structure your lives in a way that creates opportunities for that regularly. Make a point to schedule regular date nights, quality time, or even simply a walk together a couple of times per week. Another strategy I’ve seen couples use successfully is to agree to go to bed together and have some time to connect before bed. Another Moreover, consider having a weekly check-in to talk about how each partner is feeling about the balance of time spent in the relationship. This can be a helpful tool for ensuring that both partners feel heard and valued, and it can help you both stay on track with your goal of overcoming video game addiction together.

Conclusion

Video game addiction is a real problem that can have a significant impact on your relationship. With understanding, empathy, and a plan you can overcome it together. By setting boundaries, communicating openly, focusing on connection, spending intentional quality time together, and seeking support, you can get back on the same team. Remember, overcoming video game addiction takes time and effort, but the reward is a stronger and healthier relationship. Don't give up hope, and don't be afraid to reach out for help. You all have got this.




Are you a parent? Check out the free resources below.

FREE 5-Step Guide to start Breaking the Cycle of Argument and Game Addiction:

FREE Parent Support Group. Receive support from myself and other parents who are working on managing the challenge of parenting in the digital age.

Finding Balance: Setting Realistic Goals for Balancing Video Game Use

Do you adore playing video games, but find it hard to balance them with the rest of your life? Don't worry, you're not alone. Video games have become a ubiquitous part of our daily lives, bringing us joy, excitement, competition, story, and much needed break from the business of the world. It’s great to love video games, and at the same time, if your play has gone out of balance it can be tricky to get things back in line. If this progresses, it can cross the point into an addiction that can be both mentally and physically devastating. If you’ve identified that you may have a hard time finding balance, this blog is for you.

Why Realistic Goals are Important

When it comes to setting goals for video game play, it's easy to fall into the trap of setting all-or-nothing or unrealistic goals. Often times, in a moment of realizing that you have been playing too much and neglecting other areas of your life, there is a rush of motivation to change everything all at once. You may want to stop playing all games, go to the gym, re-enroll in school, spend more time with your partner, and start eating healthier. While these are all good things to work toward and the urge makes sense, approaching it in this way can actually be counterproductive and difficult to stick to.

All-or-nothing goals, where you completely stop playing video games, can lead to feelings of deprivation and a sense of restriction. Video games are so fun and enjoyable, and swapping that out with the effortful and less-engaging tasks that are needed to live a more balanced and fulfilling life all at once is a hard sell. This can make it difficult to stick to your goal, as you may feel like you're missing out on something you enjoy. Additionally, all-or-nothing goals can lead to feelings of guilt and shame if you do slip up and play for longer than you intended.

The key to setting effective goals for video game play is to start with small, realistic steps. You can actually think about it like video game progression; when you start a new game, the game is designed to give you manageable challenges at the beginning. As you progress, the game gives you harder and harder challenges. Gradually reducing your playtime by a small amount, such as cutting back from 8 hours a day to 6 hours a day, is a more achievable goal that will be easier to stick to. Additionally, it's important to be kind and patient with yourself, and to recognize that progress is a journey, not a destination.

By setting realistic and achievable goals, and being patient with yourself as you work towards finding balance, you can avoid the pitfalls of all-or-nothing and unrealistic goals and find a healthy balance between video games and other important aspects of your life. Let’s talk more about how you can do that.

Knowing Your Priorities

Before setting your goals for video game play, it's important to understand what's truly important to you. Take a moment to reflect on what you value most in life, what you want to achieve, and what brings you happiness. Whether it's spending quality time with loved ones, pursuing your education or career, or simply taking care of your well-being, these priorities should guide your goals for video game play. This itself can be a source of setting realistic goals that I call the “Work Before Play” method, and it’s probably my favorite approach to balancing your video game use. We’ll talk more about that below.

Creating Realistic Goals

Once you've identified your priorities, it's time to set some realistic goals for your video game play. As mentioned above, you can use the “Work Before Play” method. The way this works is that you set your priorities based on your values at the beginning of the day and commit to getting those done first. If you’re a student, that may involve doing your self-care, attending all of your classes, then getting your homework done. After you get them done, you allow yourself to play as many video games as you want. This way, you’re always prioritizing your IRL (in real life) fulfillment, but also have room to play games alongside that. In addition, you’re actually rewiring your brain to use video game time as a reward, which many people have reported makes it MORE enjoyable to play games! With that being said, some people really don’t like how rigid this approach is, and may be especially hesitant if their parents tried to get them to use this method. Here are a few steps if you want a more structured approach with some more flexibility:

1. Make your goals specific and measurable. Instead of just saying that you want to play video games less, set a specific goal such as playing for no more than two hours a day.

2. Make your goals achievable. If you're currently playing video games for eight hours a day, it might not be realistic to suddenly cut that down to two hours. Gradually reducing your play time is a more achievable goal.

3. Write down your goals. Putting your goals in writing will help you to keep them at the forefront of your mind and hold yourself accountable.

4. Keep track of your progress. Regularly checking your progress will help you stay on track and make any necessary adjustments to your goals.

Staying the Course and Maintaining Balance

Finding the perfect balance is a journey, not a destination. Your goals may change over time, and that's okay. It's important to be flexible and adaptable, regularly revisiting and adjusting your goals to ensure that video game play remains a healthy and enjoyable part of your life. During some parts of your life, you may be okay with playing more video games, and during others, you may want to dial it down. For instance, it can be very enjoyable to spend a large chunk of time playing a game on the day it’s released, but may be necessary to spend more time attending to IRL in moments of big life transitions. At this point in my life, I haven’t played video games in ~1.5 years because I’ve simply been enjoying spending time with people and making content like this. With that being said, I plan to spend some time gaming when the next Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild comes out. Using these skills, you can reflect and adjust regularly.

Conclusion

Video games can provide us with endless hours of entertainment, but it is important to take action in a realistic way so that they do not consume all of our time and energy. By setting realistic goals for our video game play, we can ensure that it remains a healthy and enjoyable part of our lives. Whether you are looking to spend more time with loved ones, pursue your education or career, or simply take care of your physical and mental health, setting realistic goals for video game play is the key to finding balance. Are you a parent trying to help your kid find a balance? Enjoy the free resources below.

FREE 5-Step Guide to start Breaking the Cycle of Argument and Game Addiction:

FREE Parent Support Group. Receive support from myself and other parents who are working on managing the challenge of parenting in the digital age.

Addressing Video Game Addiction: Challenges and Solutions

Video games have become an integral part of many of our lives. Honestly, I’m glad they have; they’re great! They offer a form of entertainment that is so immersive and unmatched by any other medium. However, with the rise in video game popularity, we also see a rise in video game addiction. And let's be real, that's a tough battle to face. Addiction can have serious consequences on our physical, mental, and emotional well-being. In this article, we'll explore the challenges of video game addiction and the solutions to overcome them.

The Pervasiveness and Social Acceptance of Gaming

One of the biggest hurdles in tackling video game addiction is how prevalent it has become in our society. Video games are everywhere – from consoles to smartphones, and even in the workplace and schools. As a result, they've become a widely accepted form of entertainment and a common pastime for people of all ages. This makes it challenging to identify and address the problem of video game addiction, as it is often viewed as normal and acceptable behavior.

Solution: Awareness and Education

The first step in addressing the pervasiveness and social acceptance of gaming is to raise awareness and educate the public on the dangers of video game addiction. This can be done through community outreach programs, educational campaigns, and media coverage. By educating people about the potential risks of video game addiction, we can help to change the perception of gaming and make it easier to recognize and address the problem.

Games Designed to be Addictive

Another challenge in tackling video game addiction is the fact that many games are designed to be as addictive as possible. Game developers use various techniques to keep players engaged and coming back for more. These techniques include rewarding players with in-game items, points, and achievements, and creating an endless cycle of content that players must complete to progress. This cycle of reward and achievement is what makes video games so addictive, and it can be a tough nut to crack when trying to address the problem of video game addiction.

Solution: Awareness

It is important for gamers to be aware of the techniques used by game developers to keep them engaged. As paradoxical as this may sound, if you understand that the addictive design of games have power over you, you gain more control of your ability to manage them. If you understand this, you can use other tools to help you recognize how much you’re playing and take moments to stop. For instance, you can use a phone alarm at specific increments, or you can set hard limits in terms of how many games you will play and stop after that. You’ll probably notice that even in doing this, your mind will try to convince you to play more. Be prepared for how you will respond when that happens!

The Impact of Games on the Brain's Reward Centers

Video games also have an impact on the reward centers of the brain. These centers are responsible for regulating pleasure, motivation, and reward. When playing video games, the brain releases dopamine, a chemical that produces feelings of pleasure and satisfaction. As mentioned in the section above, games have been designed to release as much dopamine as possible to keep people playing. Over time, the brain becomes conditioned to associate playing video games with the release of dopamine, leading to a dependence on the activity. This can make it difficult for individuals to quit playing video games, even when they want to.

Solution: High-Excitement Alternative Activities and Knowledge

To address the impact of games on the brain's reward centers, it is important to engage in alternative activities that release dopamine in a healthy way. One thing to note is that video games release an abnormally high amount of dopamine, and most activities will feel very boring in comparison at first. It’s important to be aware of that, and to know that over time, these activities will become enjoyable again. For that reason, it’s also important to choose high excitement activities, or activities that you find very fulfilling. Along with that, to appreciate the fact that you chose activities that are fulfilling for you despite the fact that they’re not as fun as video games. Some activities may include a martial art, going to the gym, hiking, going to concerts or other events, spending time with friends, or rock climbing. By engaging in these activities, individuals can help to rewire their brains and reduce their dependence on video games.

Reducing Mindfulness

Finally, video games can also reduce mindfulness, which is the ability to be present in the moment and fully engaged in what one is doing. Video games often require players to be fully absorbed in the game, and while this is part of what makes them so enjoyable, it also makes it difficult for them to be aware of how much time is spent playing. Furthermore, it can make people unaware of important feelings that would otherwise cause them to stop playing and move onto other important things in their lives. As a side note, video games actually decrease activity in the emotional recognition centers of your brain. Unfortunately, this does not stop you from having emotions; it simply stops you from feeling them. This often leads to people being controlled by their emotions without recognizing it.

Solution: Mindfulness practice

To address the reduction of mindfulness caused by video games, one can intentionally practice mindfulness. This can be done through the more stereotypical practices (you can find many apps and youtube videos if you want to go this route), or you can actually incorporate it into your gaming! Below are some examples:

1. Mindful breathing: Before starting a gaming session and in between matches, take a minute to recognize your breath and your body sensations. How are you feeling?

2. Reflect on the game: After each gaming session, take a few minutes to reflect on what you learned, what challenges you faced, and how you can apply these experiences to real life. Think about how you’ve spent your time, and whether or not you would like to continue spending your time that way. If yes, great! If no, create a plan.

3. Take breaks: Set a timer for yourself to take a break every hour or so to stretch, hydrate, and check in with your thoughts and emotions.

4. Practice gratitude: Make a habit of taking a moment to appreciate and acknowledge the positive aspects of gaming and your life outside of gaming.

By incorporating these mindful practices into your gaming routine, you can increase your awareness of your thoughts and emotions, reduce the negative impacts of gaming, and cultivate a more balanced and fulfilling gaming experience.

Conclusion

In conclusion, video game addiction is a growing concern due to its pervasiveness and social acceptance, addictive design, impact on the brain's reward centers, and reduction of mindfulness. However, by raising awareness and education, being aware of addictive techniques, engaging in high-excitement alternative activities, practicing mindfulness, and incorporating mindful practices into gaming, individuals can reduce the negative impacts of video game addiction and keep enjoying the wonderful things they have to offer!

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The Power of Parents: The Key to Find Balance and Avoid Gaming Addiction in Children

As a loving parent, watching your child struggle with video game addiction can be a difficult and emotional experience. You want nothing more than to help them break free from this addictive cycle and lead a happy and healthy life. The good news is that you play the most crucial role in helping them overcome this challenge. I want to be clear that it is not your fault if your child has an addiction to gaming or anything else; there are many factors besides parenting that can lead to problematic game use. With that being said, regardless of the cause, you are a key piece of the solution. In this blog, we'll highlight the importance of parental involvement in addressing video game addiction and provide practical tips and strategies for you to get involved.

The Power of Parental Involvement in Overcoming Video Game Addiction

Parental involvement is truly the most important key to helping children find balance around their video game use. Children who feel loved and supported by their parents are more likely to listen to guidance, seek support, and overcome challenges. As a parent, you are in a unique position to provide the love and support your child needs to overcome their addiction. By building a strong and trusting relationship with your child, you can provide the guidance and support they need to make positive changes in their life and find balance around video game use.

As a parent, you also serve as a model for your child by demonstrating healthy habits and relationships. Your child will learn from your behavior and decisions, and they look to you for guidance and structure. Your child looks to you and relies on you to be their guide rails, even though they may not be happy about it. By being involved in your child's life, you can help them understand and think about the impact of their video game use and develop healthy habits. By being an active participant in your child's life, you can help them understand the negative effects of excessive video game use and develop healthy habits. For example, you can sit down with your child and have an open and honest conversation about the dangers of video game addiction, and the importance of moderation and balance in their life. Additionally, you can work with your child to set clear rules and boundaries for video game use, and enforce these rules consistently to help them develop a sense of discipline and responsibility.

Creating a Supportive and Non-Judgmental Environment

Video game addiction can be a sensitive and emotional topic, and it's important to approach it with empathy and understanding. Attempts to approach the topic by calling it an addiction, yelling about taking the games away, or villainizing video games will only lead to argument and more push back. By creating a safe and supportive environment, you can help your child feel comfortable talking to you about their struggles. For example, you may start by saying something like, "I understand that playing video games can be really fun. I’m not trying to take them away from you, but I'm worried about the amount of time you're spending on them. Let’s talk about it." This open and honest communication can help build trust and strengthen your relationship, making it easier for you to provide the love and support they need to have an open conversation and find a balance.

Setting Rules and Boundaries - An Effective Strategy

It’s super important to create an environment of non-judgement and understanding first, but after that, one of the most effective ways for parents to address video game addiction is by setting clear rules and boundaries for video game use. This includes setting specific limits on the amount of time your child can spend playing video games each day and the types of behaviors you would like to see in order for them to keep playing. Once again; your child looks for you to be the guide rails. I’ve found myself surprised at how often the teenagers I work with will connect boundaries with caring, and how uncared for they feel if their parents do not bother to set boundaries. Consistent enforcement of these rules and having consequences for breaking them can help your child understand the importance of moderation and balance in their lives.

Expanding Horizons: Encouraging Alternative Activities and Interests

In addition to setting rules and boundaries, you can also help your child overcome video game addiction not by focusing on the games, but instead by focusing on creating a life outside of them. The goal here is to make it clear that you’re happy to have them play games, and that you want them to have balance with other things as well. Just an educated guess; your child will likely not be interested initially for a variety of reasons. Games provide endless fun, why would they need anything else? On top of that, because games are so engaging, other activities often pale in comparison. Make sure to show understanding for this, and stand by the need to find balance with other activities. Make sure to choose more active and engaging activities, as other activities will likely be too boring to maintain attention after having such an intense gaming habit. Some examples include:

• Rock Climbing

• Martial Arts

• Spending time with friend or having family game night

• Concerts or events

By exposing your child to a variety of experiences and interests, you can help them develop a well-rounded and healthy lifestyle and reduce their dependence on video games.

Conclusion

As a parent, you hold immense power in helping your child overcome and prevent video game addiction. By being involved, setting rules and boundaries, encouraging alternative activities and interests, and creating a safe and supportive environment, you can help your child lead a happy and fulfilling life. Remember, it's not just about breaking the chains of addiction, it's about helping your child develop healthy habits and relationships that will benefit them for the rest of their life. You have the power to make a positive impact, and your love and support can make all the difference in helping your child overcome video game addiction. Need some assistance? Check out my free resources below!

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Empowering Children to Find Balance and Avoid Gaming Addiction through Positive Coping Skills

As parents and caregivers, it can be a heart-wrenching experience to watch our children consumed by video games. What started as a fun hobby can slowly escalate into the biggest piece of our child’s lives, leaving us feeling helpless and concerned for our children's well-being. If video games end up being used as a tool to cope with the challenges of life, it increases the chance that your child has an unhealthy relationship with screens. However, it's important to remember that video games don't have to be a source of struggle and addiction. By empowering our children with positive coping skills and promoting healthy habits, we can help them establish a balanced and fulfilling relationship with virtual games.

In this blog, we'll delve into the importance of positive coping skills, provide practical tips for encouraging their development, and explore ways to promote healthy habits and boundaries for screen time and video game use. Let's work together to support our children on their journey towards a fulfilling and balanced life.

Understanding the Importance of Positive Coping Skills

Many children turn to video games as a way to cope with stress, negative emotions, and feelings of boredom. This is because, quite simply, they’re effective! The moment someone plays a game, their mind is no longer on the thoughts and feelings that may be causing distress. On top of that, they may even be meeting the needs your child is missing (such as social connection). While using games this way certainly provides temporary relief, this relief can turn into a cycle of reliance. For this reason, it's crucial to understand the role that positive coping skills play in overcoming video game addiction.

By providing alternative outlets for these feelings, such as support, mindfulness, creative pursuits, and problem-solving, we can help our children develop the skills necessary to manage their emotions in a healthy and productive way. With the right support and guidance, our children can learn to cope with life's challenges in a positive and empowering manner, breaking the cycle of relying on video games as a coping mechanism and allowing them to simply play for fun.

Encouraging Positive Coping Skills

As parents and caregivers, it is our role to guide our children in developing healthy coping skills that can break the cycle of relying on video games as a coping mechanism. Here are some practical steps you can take to empower your child with positive coping skills:

1. Teach Problem-Solving Skills: Children often turn to video games as a way of escaping life's problems. By teaching your child problem-solving skills, you can give them the tools they need to tackle life's challenges head-on. Encourage your child to identify and analyze problems, generate solutions, and make a plan of action.

2. Connect with Friends: Having positive relationships is a key factor in overcoming video game addiction. Encourage your child to spend time with friends and participate in social activities, such as playing sports or going to the movies. These activities can provide a healthy outlet for stress and help children build self-esteem.

3. Focus on Mindfulness: Mindfulness practices can help children become more aware of their thoughts, feelings, and emotions. When playing games, it can be easy to become absorbed. This increased self-awareness can help them recognize when they are feeling overwhelmed and take steps to manage their emotions in healthy ways.

By empowering children with positive coping skills, they will be better equipped to manage their feelings, break the cycle of video game addiction, and lead a healthy and balanced life. Remember, your support and guidance are essential in helping your child on their journey to healing and growth.

Promoting Healthy Habits and Boundaries

In addition to promoting positive coping skills, it's also important to establish healthy habits and boundaries for screen time and video game use. Encouraging other activities, creating a space for open dialogue around technology, and setting limits on screen time in collaboration with you children can all help balance between their virtual and real-life experiences. By establishing these healthy habits and boundaries, we can help our children develop a healthy relationship with technology, ensuring that video games are a positive and enjoyable part of their lives, rather than a source of addiction and struggle.

Conclusion

Supporting a child with video game addiction can be a challenging journey, but by empowering them with positive coping skills and promoting healthy habits, we can help them overcome their addiction and find their way to healing and growth. With empathy, understanding, and a supportive approach, we can guide our children towards a fulfilling and balanced relationship with video games. Feel free to check out my free resources below, and let’s work together to support children on the journey to a healthy and balanced relationship with technology!

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Navigating the Journey to Video Game Balance: Supporting Your Child Through Withdrawal and Recovery

As a parent, your concern for your child's well-being is only natural, especially when it comes to video game addiction. Much like substance use, people who have formed a video game habit can experience withdrawal that can be a challenging and overwhelming experience for someone who has been heavily dependent on video games. At the most intense point of my own addiction, I was playing games ~16-hours per day, and the transition out of that was jarring. I felt incredibly bored with everything that wasn’t a video game, I felt extremely anxious, and it was hard to think about anything besides the urge to play. But the good news is, I found my way out, and there is hope and a path to recovery that I can show you. Unlike other forms of addiction where complete abstinence is often the goal, recovery from video game addiction can involve finding a healthy balance that allows for enjoyable gaming in moderation. Withdrawal is a crucial part of the recovery journey, and it is essential to understand what to expect and how to support your child through this process.

Video Game Addiction and Withdrawal

Video game addiction is a complex issue that can manifest in different ways, such as excessive gaming, neglect of personal and social responsibilities, and physical and emotional symptoms when not gaming. The main reason that someone experiences withdrawal is that video games affect the reward systems of the brain, much like gambling or sex addiction. When someone’s brain is so used to having a high level of dopamine on a consistent basis, the experience of existing in real life feels mundane in comparison. It is essential to remember that not all gaming is problematic, and that the goal of recovery is not necessarily complete abstinence but finding a healthy balance.

The Withdrawal Process

Withdrawal from video game addiction can be a challenging experience for your child, as they may experience symptoms similar to substance abuse, such as irritability, restlessness, and mood swings. They may also feel down, worried, or just plain bored. It's important to recognize that these symptoms are a normal part of the recovery process and to provide support and encouragement during this time. In addition, because the goal isn’t to eliminate them completely, you can aim to reduce the amount of time spent playing and be empathetic during moments where your child is unable to play. You can say something like, “I know that this is a lot less fun than playing video games and you will get to play later. Let’s work together to find something that can keep you busy until then.” The severity and duration of these symptoms will vary from person to person, but with time and support, they will subside. Acknowledge your child's feelings and remind them that these symptoms are temporary and a sign of progress towards a healthier future.

Supporting Your Child During Recovery

Recovery from video game addiction takes time and effort, but it is possible. Your support is crucial in helping your child navigate this journey. Encourage them to find a healthy and balanced lifestyle that includes alternative activities to fill the time previously spent gaming. Remember that high energy or exciting activities are best; try to stay away from something like a coloring book, a crossword, or anything that takes long sustained focus at first. I always recommend something active like rock climbing or some kind of martial art. Set boundaries and limits around gaming, and communicate openly and empathetically with your child. Professional help may also be necessary and is a wise choice if you are concerned that your child may have an issue with their video game use. The key to success is finding a balance between gaming and other activities, rather than total abstinence.

Conclusion

Embracing the journey to video game sobriety and supporting your child through withdrawal and recovery is a process, but it is a process worth taking. Your love and support can make all the difference in helping your child find a healthier and more fulfilling life. Remember to take things one step at a time and to seek professional help if needed. You are not alone in this, and together, you can help your child find a healthy balance between gaming and other activities. Need more support? Check out my free resources below!

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The Power of Purposeful Play: Helping Children Develop Mindful Gaming Habits

As someone who has personally struggled with video game addiction and now spends my days as a mental health therapist helping others overcome it, I understand just how addictive and all-consuming games can be. But the truth is, not all gaming is bad. When approached with intention and mindfulness, gaming can be an incredible tool for children. Children who engage in mindful gaming can improve their hand-eye coordination, critical thinking skills, and problem-solving abilities. They can also unleash their creativity and imagination, and have fun while doing it. However, to reap these benefits, it's essential to understand the difference between mindful and imbalanced gaming, and to take steps to promote the former.

What is Mindful Gaming?

Mindful gaming refers to an intentional and conscious approach to playing video games. This approach focuses on being present in the moment, engaging in the game with purpose, and using gaming as a tool for growth and development. In other words, mindful gaming is about playing video games with intention, rather than simply playing for the sake of playing.

Mindful gaming allows children to focus on the experience of playing, rather than just the outcome. This approach emphasizes the process of playing, rather than just winning or losing. Children who engage in mindful gaming are able to learn and grow through their experiences, and are more likely to develop positive habits and attitudes around gaming.

The Benefits of Mindful Gaming

When children approach gaming with purpose and focus, they are developing key skills and traits that will serve them well in life. From improving hand-eye coordination and critical thinking skills, to fostering creativity and imagination, the advantages of mindful gaming are many. Consider the following scenarios:

• A child who practices hand-eye coordination in a fast-paced video game may find it easier to play a musical instrument or perform well in sports.

• A child who engages in problem-solving and critical thinking through games can apply these skills in school and real-life situations. I personally learned how to take responsibility and grow through my experience playing and improving at competitive games.

• A child who unleashes their creativity and imagination through gaming can express themselves better in other areas of life, such as art or writing.

By encouraging children to engage in mindful gaming, parents can provide them with an enjoyable and meaningful experience that can have a lasting impact for the positive.

Supporting Your Child's Journey to Mindful Gaming

As a parent, you play a critical role in helping your child develop healthy gaming habits. Here are some actionable steps you can take to promote mindful gaming:

1. Set clear boundaries and guidelines around gaming time. This can include a daily or weekly limit on the amount of time spent gaming, as well as making sure certain criteria are met before gaming.

2. Encourage your child to think about why they enjoy gaming and what they hope to get out of it, and to do so before they game. For example, do they enjoy the challenge of solving puzzles, or do they like to immerse themselves in different worlds? Understanding their motivations can help you and your child choose games that are aligned with their goals, it can help build understanding and openness, and it can help them be mindful about why they play.

3. Check-in with your child while they’re playing. It can be easy for a child to get absorbed in the game (they’re kind of designed to make that happen), and it can be helpful to stop and inform your child of how long they’ve been playing and ask them how they’re feeling. Are they accomplishing what they attempted to when you asked them what they hope to get out of gaming?

4. Play games together with your child. Not only can this be a fun bonding experience, but it also provides an opportunity for you to model mindful gaming habits.

5. Encourage other interests and activities outside of gaming. It's essential to have a balanced and varied lifestyle, and gaming should only be one part of a child's overall experience. Encourage your child to pursue other hobbies, interests, and physical activities.

Conclusion

In conclusion, mindful gaming can be a valuable tool for children's growth and development. By setting clear boundaries, speaking with your child about the reasons they play, checking-in with them, and encouraging a balanced lifestyle, parents can help their children develop healthy and purposeful gaming habits. Let's empower our children to make the most of their gaming experience and unleash their full potential! Need help getting there? Check out my free guide below.

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Parenting in the Digital Age: 3 Tips for Talking to Your Child About Screen Use and Video Games

As parents, it can be overwhelming to navigate the digital world with our children. With the constant bombardment of technology and screens, it can be hard to know how to set healthy boundaries and have open communication with our kids about their screen use. It's important to remember that as parents, we are not alone in this struggle and that our children may have a lot of emotions and thoughts about their screen use that they want to share with us.

Creating a Safe Space for Open Communication

Creating a safe space for open communication with our children is crucial in helping them feel heard and understood. It's important to approach the conversation with empathy, understanding, and a non-judgmental attitude. Here are a few tips for creating that safe space:

• Avoid judgment. Our children may feel defensive if they sense that we are judging them. Instead, try to approach the conversation with a curious and non-judgmental attitude.

• Listen actively. When our children are sharing their thoughts and feelings, make sure to give them our full attention. Repeat back to them what they've said to show that we understand.

• Validate their feelings. Even if we don't agree with our children's perspective, it's important to validate their feelings. Let them know that we understand why they feel the way they do.

Setting Healthy Boundaries Around Screen Use

While it's important to create a safe space for open communication, it's also important to set healthy boundaries around screen use. This can help our children understand the importance of balance and self-regulation. Here are a few tips for setting those boundaries:

• Establish clear rules. Let our children know what we expect in terms of screen use. For example, we might set a rule that screens must be turned off 30 minutes before bedtime.

• Lead by example. Children often model their behavior after their parents, so it's important to set a good example when it comes to screen use. If we're constantly on our phone or tablet, our children may think that it's okay for them to do the same.

• Encourage other activities. Make sure our children have a variety of activities to choose from. This will help them understand that there are many ways to have fun and be entertained.

Helping Our Children Develop Coping Strategies

It's not always easy for children to navigate the digital world. They may feel pressure to be connected all the time, or they may struggle with self-regulation. That's why it's important to help our children develop coping strategies. Here are a few tips for doing that:

• Teach our children how to take a break. Encourage them to step away from screens when they're feeling overwhelmed.

• Help our children find other ways to cope with stress. For example, we might teach them how to do deep breathing exercises or how to journal.

• Encourage our children to talk to us. Let them know that they can always come to us if they need to talk.

Conclusion:

As parents, it can be challenging to navigate the digital world with our children. However, by creating a safe space for open communication, setting healthy boundaries around screen use, and helping our children develop coping strategies, we can support them in finding balance and self-regulation. Remember, the most important thing is to approach the conversation with empathy and understanding. We are not alone in this struggle and our children may have a lot of emotions and thoughts about their screen use that they want to share with us. Need more guidance? Check out my free resources blow!

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The Brain Science Behind Video Game Addiction: What Makes Them So Hard to Put Down?

In my experience of playing games for almost all of my existence, as well as my experience helping families and individuals overcome video game addiction, I've witnessed the incredible impact video games can have on people's lives both positively and negatively. I’ve seen life long friendships formed, excitement, passion, and achievement. At the same time, I've seen the struggle that comes with video game addiction and its effects on mental and physical health, relationships, and daily responsibilities. It's important to acknowledge that video games can be great in balance, and can be destructive if the video game use passes the line into addiction. But what exactly makes video games so compelling and why do some people find it hard to put them down? In this blog post, we'll delve into the fascinating science behind video game addiction and discover what makes it so alluring.

The Mind-Blowing Neuroscience of Video Game Addiction

Have you ever been lost in a video game, not realizing how much time has passed? Video games have an engagement and reward cycle that can be gripping like no other. Video games activate the reward centers in our brains, causing a rush of dopamine, a chemical linked to pleasure and rewards. When you receive an in-game reward, when you complete an objective, when you beat that hard level, or when you carry your team to victory, your brain gets flooded with dopamine. Not only that, but you get a lot of it in high frequency, and you have to spend very little physical effort. This flood of dopamine reinforces our behavior and makes us want to keep playing. Over time, our brain begins to associate playing video games with this pleasurable feeling, and this leads to wanting to play more.

How Game Design Contributes to Addiction

Game designers are well aware of the impact that video games can have on our brains and use this knowledge to create highly engaging and addictive games. More now than ever, games are being designed to keep the player playing for a long period of time. If you look at most games, in particular online games, there is almost a requirement to set aside a few hours in order to make any meaningful progress. Old video games were like a comic strip that you could read quickly and put down; modern video games are like a chapter book that requires a time dedication to make any meaningful progress. A paper published in the "Journal of Cyberpsychology, Behavior, and Social Networking" (Przybylski, A., et al., 2010) found that game designers use elements such as incremental progress, competition with others, and the ability to personalize the gaming experience to keep players hooked. These elements work together to create a highly addictive gaming environment.

The Long-Term Effects of Video Game Play on the Brain

While excessive video game play can have negative consequences for the brain, it's important to note that playing video games in moderation can also have positive effects. Video games have been shown to improve visual attention and decision-making skills (Bavelier, Davidson, & Treasurywala, 2012). They can also have therapeutic benefits, such as reducing anxiety and depression in some individuals (Gentile et al., 2011). Furthermore, video games can enhance spatial cognition and increase creativity (Feng, Spence, & Pratt, 2007).

However, it's important to keep in mind that the key here is moderation. Excessive video game play can lead to changes in the brain's gray matter volume and functional connectivity in regions associated with attention, impulse control, and decision-making (Kühn et al., 2016). In addition, remember that reward and pleasure center of the brain we talked about earlier? Playing excessively can cause your mind to get used to having extremely high amounts of dopamine, which causes other activities to be extremely boring and difficult to be motivated for in comparison. Finally, video games do a really good job of shutting off the part of your mind that attends to your emotions which can lead to emotional numbness. These changes can potentially have negative consequences for individuals who engage in excessive video game play and may contribute to the development of addictive behaviors.

Conclusion:

More and more, modern video games are being designed in a way that promotes spending more time playing and less time doing other things. The science behind video game addiction is complex and multi-faceted, but understanding it is crucial to helping maintain balance. Whether you are struggling with video game addiction yourself or know someone who is, it's important to recognize that this is a significant problem that can have long-lasting effects on our lives both positively and negatively. Arming yourself with this knowledge can help you take steps to begin finding balance.

Are you a parent who wants to help your child find balance? Check out my free guide below.

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Reference:

Przybylski, A., Rigby, C., & Ryan, R. M. (2010). A motivational model of video game engagement. Review of General Psychology, 14(2), 154-166.

Kuss, DJ & Griffiths, MD. (2012). Internet gaming addiction: a systematic review of empirical research. Journal of Affective Disorders, 140(3), 198-206.

Bavelier, D., Davidson, R.J., & Treasurywala, A. (2012). The positive and negative effects of video games on cognition. In F. Pons, A. Mariette, & J. Guillot (Eds.), The Oxford Handbook of Cognitive Engineering (pp. 271-289). Oxford University Press.

Gentile, D.A., Anderson, C.A., Yukawa, S., Ihori, N., Saleem, M., Ming, L.K., … Liau, A.K. (2011). The effects of prosocial video games on prosocial behaviors: International evidence from correlational, longitudinal, and experimental studies. Personality and Social Psychology Review, 15(2), 167-183.

Feng, J., Spence, I., & Pratt, J. (2007). Playing an action video game reduces gender differences in spatial cognition. Psychological Science, 18(10), 850-855.

Kühn, S., Gleich, T., Lorenz, R.C., Lindenberger, U., & Gallinat, J. (2016). The neural basis of video gaming. Nature Human Behaviour, 1(8), 761-769. doi:10.1038/s41562-016-0070

Empowering Your Child to Find a Healthy Balance: Navigating Video Game Addiction

As a parent, watching your child spend hours in the virtual world of video games can be concerning. You may feel frustrated, unsure, and even powerless in helping them find the right balance between video games and real-life activities. As a teen, I remember the well-meaning attempts of my parents to try to convince me to find a balance, and I also remember the many arguments we had as a result. While it can be difficult to know how to move forward, if handled thoughtfully and with compassion, this journey can be a powerful opportunity for growth and transformation for both you and your child.

The Importance of Balancing Video Games and Real-Life Activities

As parents, it can be tempting to try to take away video games entirely in an effort to combat addiction. However, taking a blanket approach to video game use can do more harm than good.

It's important to approach video game addiction from a place of balance, rather than restriction, because it acknowledges the positive aspects of gaming. Video games can provide children with opportunities for creativity, social connection, and learning. By finding a healthy balance between video games and real-life activities, children can continue to enjoy the benefits of gaming while also developing other important skills and interests.

Moreover, taking an all-or-nothing approach to video games can lead to feelings of frustration and resentment in children. It's crucial to approach this issue with empathy and understanding, and to recognize that video games can be a source of comfort and enjoyment for children. Instead of simply taking away video games, it's important to work with your child to find a balance that works for them.

The Benefits of a Balanced Approach to Video Game Addiction

Adopting a balanced approach to video game addiction has many benefits for your child. Finding the right balance can lead to improved physical and emotional health, better academic performance, and increased motivation. By encouraging your child to engage in a variety of activities, both inside and outside of gaming, you are helping them develop a well-rounded and fulfilling life while also considering their interests and wants. Additionally, approaching this issue from a place of balance will strengthen your relationship with your child and foster a positive, supportive environment.

Strategies for Helping Your Child Balance Video Games and Real-Life Activities

The first and most important strategy is to understand your child and their relationship with video games. Take the time to listen to their thoughts and feelings, and try to understand why they are drawn to gaming. This will help you set appropriate boundaries that are both effective and compassionate.

Encouraging alternative activities is another key strategy in helping your child find a healthy balance. You can state, “We want you to play video games and enjoy them, and we also want to make sure you’re doing other healthy things too. You can pick what you want to do, but we would like you to pick another activity that you can do during the week to stay balanced.” It's important to keep in mind that these activities will likely be boring for your child at first, as they provide less dopamine than video games. However, by encouraging your child to develop new interests and skills, you can help them find fulfillment outside of gaming. Below is a list of some alternative activities that may be more exciting:

• Creative pursuits such as painting, drawing, or sculpting

• High-engagement activities like martial arts or rock climbing

• Outdoor activities such as hiking, biking, or playing sports

• Learning a new skill such as cooking, playing an instrument, or coding

• Volunteering in the community or participating in service projects

• Engaging in group activities such as joining a club, team, or class

• Exploring new hobbies such as photography, gardening, or model building

• Spending quality time with family and friends through outings, games, or movie nights

It's important to remember that every child is unique and their interests and preferences will vary. The key is to help your child discover what they are passionate about and encourage them to pursue it. With patience and guidance, you can help your child find activities that bring them joy and fulfillment outside of gaming.

Another strategy is to set clear limits and boundaries for video game use. This may involve setting specific times for gaming, limiting the amount of time spent playing each day, or making sure certain criteria are met before your child plays. It is important to remember that these boundaries should be based on your child's individual needs and circumstances, and should be approached with empathy and understanding.

Finally, open and honest communication is key in helping your child find a healthy balance. Take the time to listen to your child's thoughts and feelings about their gaming habits, and encourage them to talk about their experiences. This type of dialogue will help build trust and understanding between you and your child, which will be invaluable in this journey towards a healthy balance.

Conclusion:

Approaching the issue of video game addiction from a place of balance and understanding can be a powerful and effective way to help your child find a healthy and fulfilling life. By taking a proactive approach, setting appropriate boundaries, encouraging alternative activities, and maintaining open communication, you can support your child in their journey towards balance and well-being.

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Extra life or game over? How do I know when it’s time to leave my relationship with my partner who is addicted to video games?

When it comes to dealing with a partner who is addicted to video games, it can be a difficult and emotionally heavy situation that requires a bit of soul-searching. There are three basic options; you can take your part to improve the relationship, you can accept the relationship as is, or you can make the choice to leave. There's no one-size-fits-all answer which can leave people feeling a mix of guilt, fear, sadness, uncertainty, and concern about potentially making the wrong decision. I’ve got great news for you; there is no right or wrong decision, and about 95% of my clients report feeling significant relief once they have committed to a choice. As a rule of thumb, the best answer is the one for which you feel healthy and fulfilled. Let’s break down each potential path so you can choose the one that works best for you:

Option 1: Take on your part to improve the relationship

A relationship is always 50% you and 50% the other person. This means that you always have half of the influence over how the relationship is going, and if you’re wanting to change how your relationship is going, you can always have an impact if you’re willing to take on the effort. Ultimately, you can't control or change your partner, but you can control how you react to the situation if you’re willing. Many people feel obligated to try this option before moving onto the other two; with that being said, taking on the effort to change can be a hard pill to swallow, and it’s understandable if you’re not wanting to put that effort in. If you are, steps to take could include setting boundaries, communicating your feelings and concerns, and seeking professional help for both yourself and your partner. The blog previous to this one goes over some steps you can take to head in that direction (linked here).

Option 2: Accept the relationship as is

Another option is to accept the relationship as it is. This may involve setting your own boundaries (eg. spending time out of the home or with friends when your partner is gaming) and finding ways to cope with the impact of your partner's addiction. It's important to note that acceptance doesn't mean that you are okay with the addiction or that you are giving up on the relationship. It's about acknowledging the reality of the situation and finding ways to make it work for you. Some people may choose this option because it allows them to focus on their own well-being and find ways to make the relationship work for them. It can also help them to not put all their hopes on the other person changing, and instead accept their partner's addiction as a part of their life. If you feel like you can be happy given your partner’s current level of game use, this is the option for you.

Option 3: Leave the relationship

Lastly, you may decide that it is best to leave the relationship. This can be a difficult decision to make, but it is important to remember that you deserve to be in a healthy and fulfilling relationship. Some signs that this may be the best choice for you include not being willing to accept the relationship as is, feeling as though you can no longer express the empathy and compassion needed to change the relationship, feeling as though your efforts to change the relationship are hopeless, feeling consistently resentful or frustrated towards your partner, and feeling as though you need to walk on egg-shells. It's important to remember that it's okay to prioritize your own well-being, and sometimes that means leaving a relationship that is no longer healthy for you. Leaving the relationship can be beneficial in terms of protecting your mental and emotional well-being. It can also provide a sense of closure and a chance to move on from the relationship.

In conclusion, when it comes to dealing with a partner who is addicted to video games, it's a unique situation that requires a bit of self-reflection. The above guidelines can help make that decision. Whatever path you choose is okay, and If you choose one path and find that you’re not healthy and fulfilled, you can always choose another path. Lastly, seeking professional help can be a valuable resource in this process if you’re really having a hard time starting down a path. No matter what you choose, thank you for taking the time to consider what you need, for your sake and for your partner’s. A relationship for which you are unhappy is neither good for you, nor your partner.

How to Speak With Your Partner about their Video Game/Technology Use

As mentioned in my last blog, more and more frequently, I’ve seen couples struggle with the issue of video game addiction. The excessive use of video games can cause conflicts, neglect of responsibilities, and can affect the relationship negatively. If you are in a relationship with someone who you feel is addicted to video games, it's important to approach the conversation in a non-judgmental and understanding way. My own relationships had been significantly impacted by my video game use, and I know first hand how uncomfortable discussions around this can be. Don't worry, I've been reflecting on what would have helped me snap out of it, and I’ve got your back.

Let's face it, it can be a tough pill to swallow when we feel like our partners are more invested in virtual worlds than our real-life relationship. The feeling of neglect and unimportance can be devastating, and it's natural to want to lash out at our partners for their video game habits. It can feel very unfair to have to put so much effort into the relationship that doesn’t feel reciprocated. Almost every partner of a video game addict has had these same feelings and for good reason. At the same time, if you react on these feelings it is a sure path to more argument and disconnect. An important question to ask yourself here is, “Even with these feelings, am I willing to try to communicate differently to have a chance at a better relationship?” If yes, then great! Continue on with the tips below. If not, that’s okay too. Next week’s blog will cover alternative steps beyond trying to form a closer relationship.

Here's how to talk to your partner about their video game use without inciting gamer rage:

1. Address and regulate your own feelings: It’s unwise to try to approach the topic during a moment where you’re actively feeling hurt, frustrated, angry, or neglected. Instead, I’d recommend “Striking While the Iron is Cold”. Choose a moment where you’re feeling pretty good, and bonus points if your partner is in a good mood as well. It is also wise to try to process these feelings prior to the conversation. Some great ways to do this are to speak to a friend, journal (Try using the prompt: “How are you feeling about your partner’s technology use? With that being the case, what reason do you have to want to try to approach them with empathy and caring?”), speak to a therapist, or thinking through it while doing any kind of physically intense activity.

2. Show that you care: It's important to let your partner know that you care about them and the relationship. Let them know that you want to find a solution that works for both of you and that you're not trying to take away their hobby, you just want to make sure it doesn't take over the relationship.

3. Be open-minded and listen: Your partner may have their own reasons for excessive gaming and it's important to understand where they're coming from. Listen to their perspective and try to find a solution that works for both of you. And remember, video games are not the enemy, they're just a tool that can be used in an excessive way.

4. After steps 1, 2, and 3 (and only after), use "I" statements to communicate your feelings and needs: Instead of accusing or placing blame on your partner, use "I" statements to express your perspective and emotions. For example, "I feel sad and neglected when you spend so much time playing video games because it doesn’t give me space to connect with someone I appreciate so much." This allows your partner to understand how their actions are impacting you without feeling attacked.

5. Avoid ultimatums and collaborate on boundaries: Avoid using ultimatums such as "stop playing video games or I'll leave" as it can create a defensive attitude in your partner and may lead to further conflicts. Instead, try to find a compromise and set boundaries together. For instance, you could state how much time you would like to have with your partner per week and ask them to share how much time they would like. Similarly, you can invite them to tell you how much time they would like to play games per week. Use this information to agree upon a boundary. Another good question to ask is: “If you’re finding it hard to stick to this, what should we do about it?” This will allow your partner to provide a consequence or course of action for you to take in the event that they are having a hard time sticking to the boundary.

6. Sticking to boundaries (What to do when and if your partner returns to old habits): It is important to understand that in any change, it is normal to return to old habits. Many partners get into trouble when they expect their partner to not need reminders, then end up in an argument. Afterall, good boundaries have two parts: a boundary, and a consequence for crossing that boundary. It’s important to note that a consequence is not a punishment, and you do not want to put yourself in the position of parenting your partner. In this case, one natural consequence is that you’re likely feeling hurt or frustrated, and that needs to be communicated. If you discussed a consequence in the step above, you can also enact that here. Once again, it’s okay and normal to have a variety of feelings around this, and it’s important to communicate in a caring way without blame. Try to have a conversation about why the boundary was crossed and how to prevent it from happening again in the future. Remember that the goal is to find a solution that works for both parties and to maintain a healthy and balanced relationship. Below is a quick example for how to start that conversation:
   
   "Hey, I noticed that you've been playing video games for a lot longer than we agreed on. I know that games are really enjoyable for you and it can be hard to stick to new changes. Even though I understand that, I really care about our relationship and I’m feeling a bit hurt that we are not spending as much time with each other again. Can we talk about how to get back on track?”
   

7. Seek professional help: If you're struggling to find a solution or if the addiction is causing severe problems in the relationship, consider seeking professional help. A therapist can help both of you understand the underlying causes of the addiction and develop a plan to overcome it.
   

Lastly, below is an example to start this conversation that includes all of these steps:

"I understand that you enjoy playing video games, and I want you to have that time. I care about our relationship and want to make sure we're still making time for each other. I feel neglected and unimportant when I see you spending so much time on video games because I really appreciate spending time with you, and it feels like I haven’t really been able to connect. Can we work together to find a balance?"

Remember, video game addiction is a complex issue and it's important to approach it with understanding and compassion. By using these tips and seeking professional help, you can work together to find a solution that works for both of you and improve your relationship. And who knows, you might even discover a new hobby together, like a couch co-op game.